Do you ever get so busy that you forget to stop and just be? I feel like that these days. I am being pulled in so many different directions that I’m losing myself in the midst of it all. It’s not healthy and I need to stop, tell you all about it and regain myself. At lot has changed since the last post (but what’s new there.) It is midnight eleven right now and I am debating whether or not I stay up and work on a school assignment due tomorrow night by midnight, an assignment that I have had more than one week to complete, or just get some sleep and tackle it all tomorrow?

I think I will get some sleep now and tackle it tomorrow. My very good friend Ruth, just entered the blogworld. Welcome her by checking out her new page here . She has inspired me to get back to blogging. And by getting back to blogging, I will also get back to myself because I will once again make time for me and the little things in life.

I’ve also created a new blog. Check it out . It is still a work in progress but it will be dedicated to all things natural hair. That is products, styles, natural hair pioneers, tutorials and different insights about natural hair and what it really represents. I will talk about the stereotypes, the good and the bad, and also share cool things that I find on other blogs.

I need to work on making my posts short and sweet (no, not at all like me). So until next time?

Ciao.

This week, my to-do list included “try to blog this weekend”. Sad. So much has happened (when does it ever not) and I’ve had my ups and downs and wanted a chance to blog and get them off my chest but kept putting it off. I wanted to talk about the fact that a schoolmate of mine recently passed away in a car accident. Just like that and she is gone. I wanted to talk about forgiveness and why I have a problem with it. I wanted to talk about God and how sometimes, I don’t feel like there is one. Actually that’s more than sometimes. I wanted to talk death and what is has meant in my life and continues to mean and my slight obsession with the topic. But it was never the right time. So I kept putting it off and carrying these thoughts and feeling on my back and pretty soon I won’t be able to hold on anymore. I think that this is much as I will say about all of this right now.

It’s Sunday night and I’ve spent the day getting ready for tomorrow, the week and the next few months. Mondays always suck for me, and won’t stop for a long time. I didn’t go out this weekend, but I did get a lot done, decisions wise, in terms of my future. Specifically in terms of my life after undergrad. I don’t want to say much but I finally know what I want to study and it is something that will help me reach my dream career. I narrowed it down to five top schools and five unique programs. I feel relieved but now the hard part begins. I have worked my butt off in undergrad and so I believe that getting accepted may not be as hard. But I am prepared for rejection as well. The hard part comes in paying for them. These schools are prestige and expensive and worth it (I hope). So now I have to fight other future grad students for financial assistance and fellowships… and they are not easy. But I refuse to be discouraged, I will apply and give them all my all because frankly I have nothing left to lose.

The schools and programs that I want to apply to are also very competitive but not impossible to reach. In the past, I would have backed off because of this inexplicable feeling of inferiority when it comes to academia. I know that I am smart and I am a great student and I deserve to walk the same halls as these same students but I look at my bank account and I see that schools like that were not created for someone like me. Then I remember the fact that I am not supposed to be alive today and realize that I got a second chance at this thing called life and know that I’ve already beaten the greatest odds so why not try? I also know that it is this same feeling of not being good enough that makes me work as hard as I do and excel. I guess you can say having to prove myself and show that I can keep up with the best has been a good thing for me. I have to work on my confidence when it comes to this because the interviewers will see it and it could make the difference between seeing me as a deserving scholar and not. Well, I’m being very vague right now so in later posts I will be able to explain why this is all coming about.

In other news, I got some unpleasant news about someone I care about. The kind of news that really affects a relationship. The problem is that I am not supposed to know. So I am taking that information and making the decision to change things between us.
Another reality check has been the fact that even though I should be happy that I finally know what I want to do in the future and am making strides towards it, my present is reminding me that you still have a long way to go. I am stressed and a little depressed but I know that I have no excuse to be that way. There are thousands of other people who have worse issues than me right now and who would love to be in my position….sometimes though, when you feel like you just can’t win, it’s hard to remember that.

So this weekend was me making to-do lists and plans to turn things around. At least I know what I have to do. And I don’t want to ask for anyone’s help because I need to save myself this time and learn how to survive by my own means.

I did not mean to write this much and be vague all at the same time. I supposed the next post will be shorter and direct. Anyways, until then.

So I am 22 today! The thing is I don’t feel a day over 16! But that’s ok, because they say you are only as young as you feel. I will one day be doing the Harlem shake in my walker! lol, but so far, it’s going well. Not like any birthday I’ve had before, but that’s fine, the older you get, the less spectacular the celebrations become. For example, I was sober for this one! lol, it’s nice to remember it all. However, the big 2-5 will be a blowout. So what’s next? Well, going to a Chinese food buffet with friends is the tradition, then I gotta get back to the books because I have an exam and a quiz tomorrow!

and in a few days, I will be going back home to the loves and celebrate, and we will be the fab five again!

I don’t have any huge resolutions for 22, at least nothing new. I’m still on my grind to get to where I want to be and since I am months away from graduation, I am that much more focused. This year I just hope to do what I do now, but a million times better! I just hope to be a better and happier me. A small goal but a huge task! Will keep you updated.

Here’s a pic I posted on Facebook as a profile picture. I believe I had just turned 20. Time moves fast! I want to thank everybody for the birthday wishes, they are making my day that much more special!

me at 20! Time is moving too fast!

Senior year woot woot!!!

It has finally started and I’ve already crossed off two weeks. How is it going so far? It’s going amazingly great. Yea, that well. I am taking 15 credits and I can actually say that I am ahead in all of my classes or at least right along with the class. That is an accomplishment considering most students fall behind within their first semester. I also have a j-o-b! I am a night clerk at a residence hall so that means getting paid to do homework, crossword puzzles, hang out with friends and study for my G.R.E ( by the way, I need to get back on that asap)! Working overnight means plenty of time to take care of much needed business. It’s not the best paying job either, but right now, it’s the best job I can have.

On the socializing part, it comes after school and work and my workout. Which is also going well. I haven’t got on the scale, nor do I want to, but I feel very different and even though others say they notice a change, I don’t yet. But I decided that I do not want to gain any muscle weight, just slim down dramatically, so all I do now is cardio, cardio, cardio. I am not eating as well as I should be though. In fact, I am not eating much at all. It may be because of my weird schedule but I am sometimes forgetting to eat! I am in need of a trip to the grocery store for some protein, protein and fiber! But this semester, if anyone is looking for me, I will either be at the gym, class, work, or the lab and that’s it.

I am still making some time for my friends, but I realize that there is so much I need to work out in my life and that is my main focus. I will turn 22 later this month and I realize that I can’t keep waiting until tomorrow to take care of some important things in my life and that no one will do it for me. Why wait until tomorrow when I can do it today right? So I’ve put a small blueprint of my future down, and i am trying to live by it as much as i can. I know that the only plan you can count on in life is to be surprised because plans hardly ever go the way we want them to, but at the same if you have no idea where you are going, how will you get there?

To say the least, these last couple of days have been about me making some big girl decisions. I am trying to turn my life around for the better but I realize I will have to make some sacrifices along the way. Time to be accountable for myself and stop complaining about things.

I almost lost my train of thought just now. I promise to write more and do so soon. As long as I can get to you at least once a week, then I’m doing great. A bientot.

I don’t know why I keep neglecting you. I have wanted to blog a lot lately but I never bring myself to do it. I will do better next time.

So these past couple of days have been great. I went home to Louisville and spent time with the loves (my family). We also had guests from Belgium and it was great seeing them again after 10 years. WOW, it has been 10 years since we left Senegal. Crazy how time flies. But it was a nice, short visit and they loves my cooking. hehe.

I also went to Karaoke for the first time last Friday and it was fun! I had never liked it or understood the enjoyment that some people got out of it, but I finally gave it a try and it was great. I also like the place, a small bar near Mid City Mall on the great Bardstown Rd!

So anyways, school starts on Monday. I am almost ready. Finally aid is there and the bill is paid. I still need to get my books but i’ll wait and see how the first days go.
Second I found a small campus job like I wanted!!! Yay! I will be a night clerk which is just checking ID’s and keeping watch at the front desk at a dorm on campus working anywhere between 11pm and 7am. I know, it seem late and tiring, but it will only be for four hours at a time and I am a night person and I have no early classes. So it will be great for studying, reading for class and preparing for GRE! and my goons live there so I may actually get someone to hang out at times.
Plus the money will be great. I will need spending money for GREECE!

So I was googled myself today just to check up on what’s out there about me. All nice, tame things of course. I did find a new listing that featured my name. It is the website that was created for my past journalism class I took. We worked with the refugee and immigrant community of Bowling Green, Kentucky and told their stories, took their pictures. We decided to create a website to showcase all of our work and the amazing international culture that resides in Bowling Green.

An immigrant myself and a former refugee, my teacher thought it would be a good idea to include my own personal story. Writing it was not easy and it was a bit weird revisiting those memories. But I did and what’s done is done and even though I don’t like to talk about those times, I did and it wasn’t so bad. Anyways. I will post a link to the personal story and another one that I wrote about the younger generation of immigrants caught between two worlds and two cultures. I will appreciate any comments. There also a short video made to accompany the story but it has been removed from some reason and that’s fine because I hate the way I look in it (hey, I’m human and I have physical flaws and I don’t like sharing them). Plus it got really personal and I was in tears and It was not a good look but moving on.

Overall, life is not bad right now. Could always be better, but i’ll make do for now. Night, blogworld.

Click Here for my profile on the fgscholars site

Click here for my personal journey story

Click her for the teen story

So a movie that I had been waiting on came out recently, “The Time Traveler’s Wife.” I have a copy of the book and loved it. When the movie came out, finding someone to go with was the worst. Anyway, I thought, I didn’t need anyone to read the book with me so why not go see it alone. It wouldn’t be the first time. I got up for the matinee showing, and was not worried about seeming like a loner at the movies and went to see it. The movie did not divert from the book which I appreciated. I did cry, as expected, and a lady next to me looked at me funny but I wasn’t embarrassed (which is surprising). The whole of it was actually a liberating experience. I think going to the movies alone will be something I do more often.

Going to the movies alone meant more than just going to see a movie alone. I think it was one of ways I have been breaking away lately and learning to be comfortable with myself and by myself. Seeing a movie, out at a theater anyway, is something people have been known to do with others. Whether it is in a group or with just one other person. And we do this with going out to eat, the park, maybe it’s just me but human beings have grown so comfortable in doing things with others that most of us have forgotten how to be individuals. And I have become so used to doing things with my friends and always having someone around that I started feeling uncomfortable when we all began to grow apart and take up new directions in our lives. It started last summer for me, when I was one of the first to move off campus and do my own thing. And I guess I found myself spending a lot of my time alone and I had completely forgotten how to be alone. At first, I kept trying to get people to come over or anything, I just wasn’t comfortable being by myself. But that was then.

Now, I am more comfortable with going to the movies alone, eating out alone, going to spend time at the bookstore, traveling alone. I’m getting back to the basics, the things that make me who I am. And it is a freeing experience. And with branching out on my own, I’ve also realized something else. As a Rwandan girl, I have always cared about what people thought of me and the things that I did with my life. If it was bad or not approved of by my parents I changed it. If my peers didn’t approve, I changed it. My teachers… I was always preoccupied by how people perceived me and that was hell. It consumed me so much at times. And one day, I realized that I was living for others and not for myself and that is not the kind of life I want to lead. I am not into gossip and judging others and pointing fingers like some people around me. I didn’t want it done to me and I don’t want to do it to others. I know people whose sole conversation consists of what other people are doing and it never gets old to them.

Anyway, I made the conscious decision to break the cycle. I was not going to be one of those people who looked back on their lives and asked themselves what had happened. Mistakes, regrets or not, I want to be the one in control and it is probably the best decision I have ever made in my entire life. And I realize that no matter what you do in life… cure cancer, end world hunger, someone will always have something to say and probably something like “what makes her so special” and “I could have done that”. And I have quit trying to satisfy other because even that would never quiet the critics. I am a human being and I know every well that human beings are not capable of satisfaction. It is always something and trying to make others happy was a waste of my life. And I am not saying that I am this selfish person now, but just that I no longer seek the approval of others. I came into this world alone and will leave alone (cliché but true) and If I can manage to lead a happy life that I have chosen for myself then that will be enough. Since this whole journey began, I have eliminated a lot of people out of my life who were only holding me back and the very few that remain are enough.

This picture was taken earlier this year, when this whole transformation began

Today, I just keep it moving. In the past, I used to take things too seriously and personally. Even when someone was helping me in telling me the truth about myself in hopes of helping me, I always focused on the negative. Crazy to admit but I always wanted people to be honest with me but couldn’t handle the truth and I realize that no one said the true had to be a good thing. And I feel so much better being able to take things for what they are, good or bad, and using it all to become a better me.
Being honest with myself and who I am has brought me a lot of rewards. I am happier now than I’ve been in the recent past. I am comfortable with myself and it clearly shows. And it helps me in my journey through school and working on making a future for myself and my confidence that I will make it on my own terms and live the life I want to live.

It’s funny how life can be some much more when it’s all lived on your terms.

The end of humanity as we know it

They say that eventually the sun will grow to its full size and that it will eat up our blue planet and life as we know it. This is not speculation. This is not a rumor. This is the true. It’s in the astronomy books. Math and Science proves it. The Earth will one day cease to exist and there is nothing we can do about it… Right now anyway.

In the past two days, I watched two movies that left me both depressed and a little enlightened. If you do not want me to spoil these movies for you, please do not read any further. However,

The first was “Sunshine” which was about astronauts and physicists who were on a mission to save the sun. In the movie, the sun is dying. This was every ironic considering none of us may ever live long enough to see our sun die out. So they were on a journey to the sun to recharge it. Well, seven years in space does something to you. One character became completely obsessed with the sun and would abuse his exposure to the sun because of that obsession. Another was slowly losing his human feelings. On their journey, they came across the ship of the crew which had tried the mission before them. No one ever knew what happened to them, but they knew that they never completed it and never returned to earth. Well, one crew member survived and he had lost it. Somehow he ended up sabotaging the new crew’s mission because he believed they were “playing god” by trying to stop nature from taking it’s course. According to him, we were meant to die and be reunited with our maker or something like that. So trying to save the sun and keep our human lives going was us going against a bigger plan. Of course it is a movie and in the end, the mission was completed.

This first one left me wondering what it all really meant. There is so much that science explains but there is about ten times it cannot even began to theorize. Then there is religion and faith. How can you manage to remain a believer when you are sometimes reminded that we may have all just came from a chemical reaction. And I know it was a just a movie, but you still cannot help but wonder.

The second movie was ‘Knowing” which was released earlier this year. This movie features a coded list of dates and the geographic coordinates where catastrophes and freak accidents have and will happen. It also gives the number of people that have and will die. The list was made in 1959 and buried in a time capsule. Fifty years later, it is opened and falls in the hands of an astronomer who is able to decipher the numbers. All of the major events that have happened, for example 9/11 and the Oklahoma bombing, were listed. and he has three more to try and stop from happening. But he realizes that in the end, there is nothing he can do about to stop them. The final date turns out to be end of planet earth as they know it. Apparently, the Sun was supposed to emit a ray strong enough to burn the whole planet. At the end, we found out that the list was given to them by aliens who wanted to warn the humans but can’t save them. All they can do is try to save children from different parts of the world, boys and girls, and maybe animals of both sexes so that they can one day “start over.”

The astronomer’s son is chosen, and after he understands, he lets him go. He goes home to his parents and sister, whom he hasn’t seen in months and the whole place is set ablaze as they hug. and we see the planet go up in flames.

How creepy is that? Because that is probably the most realistic version of what will eventually come. In the movie, the astronomer himself struggles with whether or not there is a God and whether we do have a purpose on earth. He asks his students about determinism, which says that everything happens for a reason and that absolutely nothing is random and the other is randomness which just says that “ship happens”. He believes in the latter at first but the list proves differently in the movie.

What would you do if you knew you were going to die? What would you do if you knew, the date and time and place and how? Would you continue to live or just stop knowing there is nothing you can do to stop your destiny? If we were created by an explosion, do we have a heaven to go to after this? Or are we just an insignificant part of something bigger and more complex than us?

My question is where does science stop and where does faith begin? I admit that there is a time when I don’t believe the two can co-exist. Sometimes, I believe the science books and sometimes I believe the scriptures. And sometimes, it is so much easier to look at the charts and the evidence, all things that the Bible can never provide.

I want to believe that there is more to life than this. I want to believe in “The Five People You Meet In Heaven” and that this thing we call life isn’t it. I want to believe in Heaven, even when it means also believing in hell.

And i realize that those answers will not come to me as I write this post. But before I finish, I want us all to look at the picture above of the Sun and ask yourself what it all really means.

My internship with the Army Public Affairs office in Fort Knox is over and I am back to my regular day to day. Before I left, I wrote two stories which I am probably most proud of out of all the stories that I have done recently.

One is about Momo Larmena Jr., a 2nd Lt. and chaplain candidate from Liberia. He has dedicated his life to serve the country that once saved his life and I wish there were more people with his same spirit. Here is his tale and I will add it under the page ‘Stories. Enjoy.

Delta Co. chaplain candidate Momo Larmena, right, says goodbye to Delta Co. Cadet Hank DeMott, from the University of Central Missouri, after a worship service. Photo by Kristin Sherrard

Liberia native joins Army to repay U.S. for saving his life.

By Roseline Twagiramariya
Staff Writer

Second Lt. Momo S. Larmena Jr. is not new to service.
In fact, the Co. D 1/46th Inf. chaplain candidate has dedicated his life to serving others. He started to do so long before he joined the Army.

Larmena is the founder of a humanitarian organization called Assistance for All, has served as a secretary general of the Liberian Red Cross Society and was an administrator with the disarmament program of the United Nations Mission in Liberia.

Even though Larmena wasn’t born in this country, he serves it as if it was his own. A native of Liberia and a victim of the country’s 1990 civil war, Larmena said he owes his life to the United States.

“I believe that I should serve humanity, not only the people in the United States but everybody in need,” he said.

Liberia is the only country in Africa that was settled by freed American slaves in the early 1800s. These new settlers later became known as the Americo-Liberians throughout much of West Africa and as the ruling class of the country.

Larmena said he was the maternal great grandson of Liberia’s fourth president, Richmond-born James Spriggs Payne, a first generation Americo-Liberian.

In 1990, rebels intent on removing power from that group started targeting and killing Americo-Liberians. The civil war lasted for 14 years and claimed the life of thousands including his father, Momo S. Larmena Sr.

His mother and eight siblings fled to neighboring Ghana and spent the next eight years in the Buduburan refugee camp near Accra, capital of the country.

In a previous article written by an Army publication, Larmena said he went from sleeping on a mattress to sleeping on dirt.

“I didn’t let that bother me,” he said. “I looked at the opportunity in the situation.”

He took the time to lend a helping hand to the other refugees and help make the experience a little better for them.

Through a refugee resettlement program, Larmena and his family were relocated to Sacramento, Calif.

However, to go back to his home and renovate it, Larmena returned to Liberia two years later.

“I thought the fighting was over,” Larmena said.

But the rebel groups were still active, and he found out the hard way. He spent the next four years in Liberia and worked with the Red Cross and a lecturer at Cuttington University.

In March 2004, Larmena was home with his two sons and realized he had visitors. There was a taxi parked near his house with a couple of men he did not know standing around it.

“I had put a concrete fence around the building,” he said, “and the taxi was parked in there (inside the fence) so I thought there was a problem.”

Larmena said he thought the taxi had broken down, and they needed help. As he walked up to offer help, he quickly realized what was going on.

“I heard someone on the other end of the walkie-talkie say, ‘Go ahead and execute,’ ” Larmena said. “And when they opened the trunk of the taxi, I saw the weapons.”

Luckily, Larmena had a cell phone on him and made a call to the U.N. office in Liberia as he ran back in the house. Not too long after, a man in civilian clothes showed up with a car and a driver.

That man, whom Larmena knew to be an American Soldier, took Larmena and two of his adopted sons to a nearby hotel.

Larmena credits the man, whose name he never knew and who he has not seen since that day, for being alive today.

Larmena said it was the same rebels who killed his father, only he was able to escape with his life.

He moved back to Sacramento where he went back to his humanitarian work. He also became a foster parent and has fostered 12 children along with raising his adopted sons: Kwasi, Jusu, and Markey.

On May 7, 2006, he decided the next step in life would be to commit to the Army as a way to repay the country that helped save his life.

“I have committed myself to my new country because this country did a lot for me and my family,” Larmena said. “My commitment is to this country.”

On his 42nd birthday, Larmena found himself at basic training among 20-year-olds and loved it.

“I enjoyed it because that is an experience that won’t come back,” Larmena said, “I took advantage of it.”

That experience eventually led him to chaplain school, a decision he says the Lord made for him. Today he is doing his practicum as chaplain candidate with Delta Co. and says it has been a rewarding experience.

“I believe that the experience is important because I am getting hands-on knowledge on how to interact with the Cadets who will be the Soldiers in the field,” Larmena said.

For Cadets Roshanna McNeely and Joseph Hall, who both want to become Army chaplains in the future, having Larmena around has made all the difference.

“He encouraged me even when he didn’t know who I was,” McNeely said, a student at Mercer University. “He is very open and relaxed, and it has been great to have him here with us.”

For Hall, a student at Valley Forge Military Academy, one of the things he admires most about Larmena is that he participates in training alongside Cadets.

“He was out there in the field with us, and I think this is big for us future Soldiers to be able to talk to a chaplain and see him doing exactly what we are doing,” Hall said.

For a man who has cheated death more than once, he did not think twice about joining the Army, a decision that could put him in peril again someday. His mother has been there for him and supportive, and his adopted sons would like to follow in his footsteps.
Larmena still does humanitarian work and does not see a future where he would stop doing so. Knowing he has helped make a person’s life better is what keeps him going.

“Being able to make someone smile and seeing that person happy is all I look for,” Larmena said.

I am trying new things to add to my blog to make it a little less bland. I am hoping to add this playlist soon as a widget but wordpress hasn’t given me that option yet. Hurry up wordpress, blogger is killing you in terms of this!

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

These past couple of days have been a little…off. All I can say is some things with me took different directions and others just became clear-er. So here goes.

My baby sister is probably the most confused person I know right now.
Why? She is 11, and growing up with two older sisters who constantly remind her of her age and thus her place.
When I was 11, I did not act or think like she did, mostly because of my background and my childhood. I grew up fast and for various reasons. And now, my sister, who is growing up in America and not under the same circumstances as I once was, is caught between two worlds. We are always telling her she is too young to do certain things, but then always lecturing her about how she is a big girl and needs to mature and learn to take responsibilities for herself. When she tries to act more mature, for example cook by herself with no supervisor, put on makeup, get a Facebook…. we yell at her that she is too young and needs to act her age. When she does try to be young and 11, we yell at her for wanting us to baby her some more and do things she should be doing at her age.
When does she win?
And I find that with parents who have a lot going on and doing well in their professional lives, and a sister away all the time and another moving out soon, who is really there for her and notices her? I don’t want her to feel that she can’t ever come to me if she needs me because i’m part of the blame. I don’t want to one day come home to a teenager who is as angry as I was when I was younger. We are in this country to have a better life and I want it to start with her having a better childhood then some of us did. She doesn’t have a war happening right before her eyes like the way it was for me, so in my eyes, she is already doing better. She will have all the time to be an adult later in life. For now, she just needs to be my baby sister a little longer and I need to do my part.

Moreover, and this is completely unrelated to the above mentioned, I need to change the way I look at some things. When it comes to relationships, mostly romantic ones, I have always thought that I needed to know anything and everything about that person before we became serious. and to do so, I did my part, asking people, asking them, snooping until I found something. Most of the time, I did find what I was looking for but I didn’t always like it. Maybe this comes from my inability to trust most people, another topic for another day. But I wanted to know everything because I didn’t want to find out something unpleasant later when I had already invested too much of my heart. Yes, I was younger and much, much more innocent. I was a lot more trusting and a bit gullible and I never knew about things like people you trust backstabbing you or people just changing in front of you. And I was just convinced that you could know someone 100 percent, their ins and outs and I was so wrong.
The thing is, knowing everything about someone isn’t always the key to a successful relationship, whether romantic or not. Because when we know where that person was before us, we tend to judge them on their past and how fair is that? People do not remain the same over time and the mistakes that they made before you should not come back to bite them in the future. I don’t want to be judged on who I no longer am and I don’t want to do to someone else. I don’t want to get mad over what someone did in the past when it has been over and done with and there is nothing that can be done about it now. I want to learn to leave the past in the past and concentrate on making the future better now. And I guess me realizing this was just stop on the road to learning how to forgive people and let go. I can hold a grudge like the best of them but I hate it. After a while, that grudge can turn into something ugly and it is not healthy to hold all of that animosity inside. I want to be able to laugh off the small things and learn to forgive those who hurt me, whether it was intentional or not. Maybe this will lead to me being able to trust more and being able to live a life with no enemies and thinking everyone is against me. I’m still working on this though and only time will tell. I hope I that one day, I’ll be writing a post about how I’ve finally reached this particular goal.

So I realized those things this week and they are completely unrelated. But that’s how this brain of mine works and it feels really good to get my thoughts down. I guess at the end of the day, I am trying to be a better human being. I am trying to be an honest person, to live my life and not apologize for it. And I am still finding myself, I realize, but then again i realize that you never stop finding yourself. Maybe that is what life is about.

ps: a lot more epiphanies happened this week but I need sleep. Until next time.